Magic Fixes

Hello, 

When I was a young lad, maybe 4 years old, my mom was giving me a haircut. While cutting my hair she warned me about fidgeting, she would say, “be very still or I will accidentally cut off your bangs.”

Well, I fidgeted, and my bangs were cut off. But that’s not the story. 

The story is, everyday after my bangs were erroneously cut, I came into my mom’s room and asked if my bangs had grown back. 

I didn’t know what bangs were, but I did know that I used to have them, and now I no longer did. All I wanted was for them to grow back, I felt the pain of not listening to my mom, and having messed up my hair. 

I wanted there to be a magic moment where my mistake would just be erased. 

When I was a sophomore in high school, I was entered in the 3200m race at a meet, I didn’t have a plan, I didn’t have a goal pace, I just ran behind the guy in first. I ended up breaking the school record without consciously knowing that was happening. 

It felt magical. That morning I woke up as a normal guy, that night I became the fastest person in my school’s history.

Something I struggle with is waiting for a silver bullet. I wait for the magical big break to happen. I want the universe to conspire and to show me the way. 

In my defense, why wouldn’t I? It feels good to be divinely chosen by something, it feels good for all your worries to wash away with the waving of a magic wand. 

Or so it may seem. 

What I am realizing about these stories is that I didn’t know what it took to accomplish the thing I wanted, I didn’t know what bangs were, but I knew that I wanted them. I didn’t know what it took to run fast, but it kind of just happened. 

I didn’t know the inputs required to receive the ultimate goal that I wanted. 

There are more words to be said about this, but I will move on. 

During the hard times of starting a business, I would wake up hoping that one of our ads magically attracted 10,000 customers, or a billionaire would see the product and buy our business for an astronomical sum. 

I was longing for a magic fix. 

Thinking back on those times, and all of the other times I wanted a magical fix, it was less about my fear of the situation, and it was a lot more about my confidence in myself to get me out of the situation. 

I needed a magic fix because it was going to take one. 

People always say control what you can control. Which is a great thing to live by, but if you lose confidence in your ability to efficiently control those things within your control, you have a much bigger problem on your hands. 

If the problem does magically solve itself, and all your worries are gone, you are still left with the biggest problem, you don’t trust yourself. 

You are still left with the same problems that you had before the problem was solved. 

To fix that problem, you have to create evidence. You need to take the steps it takes to solve the confidence problem. 

If you don’t solve that… then you will find yourself with another problem that requires a silver bullet. 

It’s a vicious cycle. 

Kyle